Thomas Paine wrote a pamphlet entitled Common Sense. He wrote his ideas expressing opinions on issues with the understanding that the average citizen would be able to comprehend the point he was making. The Rockpile is yet another try at putting forth common sense ideas before the reader with the hope that said ideas generate an intelligent discussion.
"Congress shall make no law that applies to the citizens of the United States that does not apply equally to the Senators and Representatives; and, Congress shall make no law that applies to the Senators and Representatives that does not apply equally to the citizens of the United States".
There are plenty of bloggers, news people and big government supporters out there who are bending over backwards to keep this amendment from ever becoming a reality. One argument is this,
“Ever since the passage of the Congressional Accountability Act in 1995 Congress has been answerable to the same civil rights and equal employment regulations that pertain to private businesses. Other alleged disparities, such as those having to do with Congressional retirement provisions and health care coverage, are misrepresented above as well.”
One huge hole in the argument is that the CAA was never written to protect the American voter from the disparities created by the elitist culture that has grown in our nation’s capital. This paragraph from the introduction of the text of the law says it all;
“The CAA protects over 30,000 employees of the Legislative Branch, including employees of the House of Representatives and the Senate (both Washington, D.C. and state district office staff ); the Architect of the Capitol; the U.S. Capitol Police; the Capitol Guide Service; the Congressional Budget Office; the Office of the Attending Physician; and the Office of Compliance. Certain provisions of the CAA also apply to the Government Accountability Office (GAO, formerly the General Accounting Office) and to the Library of Congress.”
As you can see, the CCA was nothing more than an additional bandage to bolster the bureaucracy that keeps government bloated. The 13 or so laws that were included in the act did little to prevent the problem of members of congress being able to treat themselves as royalty. Consider these recent examples:
Members of Congress do not have to go through the same TSA grope down you and I do. Is this something you consider fair and just?
Members of Congress are not included in the provisions and mandates imposed on everyone else through ObamaCare. They have faster and better access to medical care.
Those are only two examples, but they are glaring ones. How anyone who respects our founding fathers can consider the proposed amendment to be unneeded is beyond me.
Right now the Obama Administration is claiming that a simple majority in the Senate can eliminate the requirement for a US President to be a natural born citizen. This is exactly the kind of mindset the proposed amendment will be dealing with. When we have extremely high ranking government official totally ignorant of the US Constitution and its concurrent amendments, we have big trouble on the horizon. And if the American voter will not deal with them, we have to have laws that do.
During his campaign for President, Barrack Obama used the phrase, “my Muslim Faith” during an interview with ABC's This Week with George Stephanopoulos. Stephanopoulos was quick to help his favorite Senator with the correction, even going as far as giving Obama the more voter acceptable “my Christian faith”. Here is a link to the video: link .
A close examination of the video shows no hint of what Obama supporters say are “sarcastic quotes” around the Muslim faith bit. Obama appears quite sincere. Bear in mind, this was still fairly early in the campaign and McCain had not yet lost ground. As we now know, Obama loses composure under stress and the real person emerges, stumbles, malapropism and all…especially without a teleprompter. I can easily imagine his campaign manager standing just outside of the shot slapping his forehead and muttering, “Damn it! We forgot the cue cards.”
Fortunately for Obama, he had the MSM in his pocket and Stephanopoulos was more than happy to feed Obama the correct line. The fix was already in and the major networks were going to get their candidate in, even if they had to rig the interviews to do it. This, however, still leaves us with the question as to what is Obama’s faith? I tend to think that under stress the first utterance is closer to the truth than the correction. That is psychology 101 folks.
Obama’s pastor, the oh so reverend Jeremiah Wright reveals a snippet of where his heart really lies when he proposed a possible reason as to why his former parishioner hadn’t been around to chat. Here is the quote from Virginia’s Daily Press:
“Them Jews ain't going to let him talk to me .... He's got to do what politicians do. And the Jewish vote, the AIPAC vote that's controlling him, that will not let him send representation to the Darfur Review Conference, that's talking this craziness on Israel because they're Zionists, they will not let him talk to somebody who calls a spade what it is. Ethnic cleansing is going on in Gaza—the ethnic cleansing of the Zionists is a sin and a crime against humanity.”
Outside of a minority sect of radical Catholicism and a few weird southern congregations, the only religion I know of that holds such a view is Islam. What is extremely interesting is that every black “reverend” in Obama’s circle express similar views. Jesse Jackson said, “Decades of putting Israel’s interests first would end. Zionists who have controlled American policy for decades would lose a great deal of their clout when Barrack Obama enters the White House.” Al Sharpton isn’t any better, “If the Jews want to get it on,” he said in one particularly pugnacious statement, “tell them to pin their yarmulkes back and come over to my house...”
During the primary campaign Obama said, "Nobody is suffering more than the Palestinian people,”. I would wager that, if pressed, he would admit to skepticism as to whether or not the Jewish Holocaust actually happened.
Jackson, Sharpton, Wright and other Obama associates loudly proclaim their support for the “suffering Palestinian people” while at the same time ignoring the consistent ongoing attacks these poor downtrodden wretches promulgate against Israeli children, shopkeepers and other civilian targets. They sneer at those who support Israel’s right to exist, calling them Zionists. The encyclopedia says this about Zionism:
Zionism is the national revival movement of the Jewish people. It holds that the Jews have the right to self-determination in their own national home, and the right to develop their national culture. Historically, Zionism strove to create a legally recognized national home for the Jews in their historical homeland. This goal was implemented by the creation of the State of Israel. Today, Zionism supports the existence of the state of Israel and helps to inspire a revival of Jewish national life, culture and language.
Seems fairly straight forward, doesn’t it? Seems that a people who had their own homeland for several thousand years and at one time had an empire that covered nearly the entire Middle East would be allowed to repopulate their home, right? Not if you’re Barrack Hussein Obama. Not if you follow the dictates of your “Muslim Faith”.
On Christian-forum.net someone posted a selection of sutras within the Qur'an that command the follower of Islam to kill unbelievers. Here’s the link: link .
Some supporters of Islam claim that there is no difference between Christianity, Judaism and Islam, and that the Qur’an commands that Christians and Jews are to be protected from insult. Hmm, then where did this quote come from?
"We don’t make a distinction between civilians and non-civilians, innocents and non-innocents. Only between Muslims and unbelievers, and the life of an unbeliever has no value. It has no sanctity.” This was uttered by Sheikh Omar Bakri Muhammad in an interview with Lisbon’s Publica magazine. link
In what is now common knowledge, various Islamic groups have called for the destruction of Israel. Islamic states such as Iran, Libya, Yemen and so on have agreed with that sentiment. Iran is continuing to work on nuclear answers to their Jewish problem. So where is Obama on this? Remarkably quiet.
During the Presidential campaign, Ahmed Yousef, a top political adviser for Hamas, said in an interview on WABC radio in New York that the group supports Obama. “We like Mr. Obama. We hope he will (win) the election and I do believe he is like John Kennedy, great man with great principle, and he has a vision to change America to make it in a position to lead the world community but not with domination and arrogance,” Shortly after that quote Yousef reiterated the call for Israel’s destruction.
Obama’s ties to terrorist groups go way back. In the ninties he served on the board of the Woods Fund in Chicago. The Woods Fund worked closely with the Arab American Action Network, a group that called the establishment of Israel “a catastrophe”. link .
It is no surprise to any willing to do the research beyond the MSM that Obama’s gaffe was far more rfevealing than he or the media would prefer. As this “catastrophic” presidency moves along, I expect we will find out more and more revealing truths about the real Barrack Hussein Obama. I also expect that the mainstream media will continue to ignore them, and not just ignore them, but actively work to scrub the internet clean of any evidence contrary to their mulatto messiah’s deity.
There is now further proof of Obama’s illegitimacy as far as being qualified to hold the office of President. This story in the Post Mail, link discusses the various claims the country of Kenya has made claiming Obama is a “son of the soil”, Obama’s own wife has said as much in various talks. If you click the links in the Post Mail article you will find they go nowhere. This is because the proof has been removed and that is no glitch and it is not by accident. However, the scrubbers at the White House have no access to files not connected to the internet and the actual transcript for the March 25th, 2010 meeting of the Kenyan Parliament still exists, even though it has been removed from that country’s online archive. I know, I found a copy and it is authentic. According to Kenya, Obama is no native-born American and therefor is sitting in the seat of the President of the United States in violation of the Constitution of the United States of America.
The question is, will we have to wait until November 2012 to finally get rid of this criminal?
This link will take you to story where the Muslim population in a section of London is attempting to impose Islamic law on the other 85% of the neighborhood. A lot of people have said that it could never happen here in the United States and yet the Democrats elected a President who, if he isn’t actually a stealth Muslim, has those leanings. No US President before him ever bowed to an Islamic leader, Barrack Hussein Obama did.
This link will take you to a related story regarding a stable, consistent and inexpensive supply of oil right next door in Canada. You are probably not aware of another story where Saudi Arabia warned the current administration about the dangers of attempting to become “energy independent”. It appeared for only one day in the press and was quickly scrubbed from the internet. The fact that the story about the Canadian pipeline appeared in the same article hold significant relevance to back up those who smell an odor of decaying seafood coming from the east.
How many times have we heard or read something about Islam being the religion of peace and that there is little difference between Christianity and Islam except for the terms? If this were even close to being correct? Why is it that every time a Muslim converts they have to be disappeared in order to continue living? Why is it when someone, either inadvertently or deliberately insults Islam’s prophet Mohamed riots erupt across the globe, but when the same happens to Jesus about the worst that happens is a letter to the editor? Could it not be that Christianity and Islam are polar opposites?
Consider the London story. Here is the list of demands from the Islamic group, MAC; reject democracy- not have non-Muslim friends- not celebrate non-Muslim festivals including Christmas and Easter- not join the police or armed forces- not vote for lawmakers, or stand for election- demand the release of “all Muslim prisoners in the hands of the disbelievers”- reject integration with non-Islamic society- abide by shari’a and not any “man-made law”. Sounds delightful, doesn’t it? And yet, according to the liberals, this way of life and this type of leadership is preferable to the horrors that would be perpetrated upon this nation if we elected a Republican.
You know what is particularly funny about all this? It would never happen in France.
There is a famous quote attributed to Winston Churchill, “"If you're not liberal when you're young, you have no heart. If you're not conservative when you're older, you have no brain." Churchill never uttered those words, but even so, they do make a point.
I remember thinking thoughts and voicing opinions as a high school and college student that now seem utterly naive and ill-informed. I grew up in the Nixon and Vietnam War years. I remember the shooting of the demonstrators in Ohio and weeping after seeing the assassination of Bobbie Kennedy as it happened. I listened to the Beatles and dreamed of playing in my own four-piece group singing songs of peace and freedom while sticking to the man. Now I am the man. What happened?
What happened is I grew up. There is a great Zits cartoon strip where Jeremy receives his first paycheck and notices all of the costly deductions removing a stiff percentage of his hard-earned wages and transferring them to the government. Oh, the humanity! The father opines, “We just witnessed the birth of a Republican.”
Michael Savage, the less than cordial talk show host, started his intellectual life as what can be best described as a long-haired, socialist liberal elite in New York. He moved to Berkeley and discovered that he, in spite of his intellect, did not fit the politically correct affirmative action protocols for success in the east bay. His backlash is still causing reactions of horror in the liberal ranks. He called liberalism a mental disorder. Well…yes and no. It is an emotional rather than a mental state which is why so many young people start out that way and slowly, over the growth cycle develop conservative tendencies. The, “I’m my parents!” scream of realization is commonplace for a reason.
David Horowitz, once a 1960’s radical and an avowed communist, is now a conservative. This link will take you to a page detailing his biography. One of the most shocking revelations for the liberal left is that John Lennon, the ex-Beatle and the writer of the mantra, Imagine, had become conservative prior to his murder. This link discusses that controversy.
The examples are legion; covering nearly every aspect of the life I used to believe was right and proper over 40 years ago. Is it not interesting that today’s media finds this ever-growing fact of life such a non-story? Interesting yes, surprising no, that is because in order to grow every organism must encounter a certain amount of stress. An athlete develops additional strength by pushing against ever increasing weights. It is the same with our emotional development. If we grow in a well-insulated and protective environment where we never find our comfort zone challenged by new and conflicting ideas and realities, we never mature. So it is with the progressive pundits of MSNBC, CBS, TBN and the rest of the alphabet soup media. In many cases new employees who challenge the liberal orthodoxy are removed as quickly as any weed. It is the same in the realm of academia. One would have to be existing with blinders on not to have seen the stories, quashed as rapidly as they are published, mind you, of students chastised and even failed because they challenged a professor’s anti-American opinions.
Both the worlds of the main stream media and tenured academia have gone to great lengths to eliminate any taint of opposition to their youthful opinions. I say youthful as a term of immaturity because in those arenas there has been no debate, no contrary information allowed in the discussion, and this is why it seems that these areas, which tend to dovetail with the elite in Washington, are so far removed from our reality. A person like Chris Matthews and Ed Shultz can say the outlandish things they say and get away with being so utterly wrong because those with whom they live, work and socialize hold those wrong opinions to be sacrosanct. There is a very close comparison to the interactions of a media empire and a Buddhist monastery in that both have a dogma that may not have any bearing in reality, but has total sway within their group.
Media, Academia, and Politics, these three arenas have the ability to shelter their elite from the stresses of life and consequentially prevent their emotional maturity. So in essence, people like Matt Lauer, Chris Matthews, Ed Shultz, Harry Reid, Nancy Pelosi and Barrack Obama could honestly be called emotional infants, and almost every single tenured Ivy League professor could be added onto that list. It is good to care about things with all your heart when you are a kid, but eventually the ruby slippers have to be put away and an adult has to go to work.
There is a well-documented fact in the current and ongoing flap over the upcoming default looming on the United States near horizon. That fact is this, the wealthy, those folks the Democrats claim are avoiding paying “their fair share” of taxes, they pay the vast majority of taxes. We will wait a minute for the Chris Matthews, Alan Combs, James Carville’s and Arianna Huffington’s of the world to detach themselves from the ceiling. Sorry, but that is a real, undeniable (if you’re not committed to a socialist philosophy) fact. This link will take you to an Answers page detailing the percentages, but the upper class in this country already pay over 90% of taxes collected. I puts a whole new wrinkle on the Democrat claims that not raising taxes on the wealthy will shift the bulk of this country’s burden onto the middle class, doesn’t it?
You see the problem is that the media this country is saddled with has no intention of reporting the truth. It has gotten so bad that even the weather report seems to have spin attached toward a pro-global warming agenda. Never mind that there is just about as much hard science proving Al Gore’s theory as there is proving the existence of the Tooth Fairy.
When have we heard or read any main stream outlet discussing how large a percentage of taxes are paid by the top 10% of wage earners, much less the top 50%? The answer is zero. The only time those numbers are mentioned is when it is time to put forth another “shame on you rich bastards” lie. And the reason for this is quite simple, any weapon is allowed when war is being waged. Make no mistake, this country has been involved in a class war for several decades, and now that we have a Traitor in Chief at the helm, the stakes have been raised. As long as a single American citizen is prospering independent of government largess, the lies will continue.
Another fact to take into consideration is what is defined as a cut. We hear the Democrats complain all the time about the Republicans cutting socials programs to the bone, throwing grandma over a cliff or seeking to toss the needy out onto the street because of their “draconian” cuts. Would it surprise you to know that the vast majority of these so-called cuts are actually increases in spending? The “cut”, as it were, is actually a smaller increase than the one proposed by the Democrats.
Dan Rather, the disgraced talking head who was caught lying in an attempt to help Al Gore’s campaign, once claimed such nonsense and when confronted with the actual numbers showing that the Republican proposal was also an increase, just a smaller one than the Democrats, was heard to mutter, “It’s still a cut.” You can never convince a liberal that they are wrong, all you can do is deny them power. This link from a 2004 Factcheck article proves my point.
What it comes down to is what has been repeated adnauseum, we really do not have a budget problem, we have a spending problem. Not a single article in the mainstream media has ever mentioned how many billions we waste in sending to tin pot dictators overseas so they will feel good about us. Not one article has mentioned how much we could save by producing our own fuels and using our own renewable resources rather than importing them. Not one article has mentioned how many billions we waste in sending our military overseas to “create democracy”, when the constitution states quite clearly that arm of our government is strictly intended for the national defense. And not one article ever mentions what would happen if we actually leveled the tax playing field by eliminating the IRS as an enforcement agency and turning it into a bookkeeping operation with a transition from an income tax to a nation retail sales tax where the paying of taxes would be completely voluntary. The only time that idea is mentioned is when it is ridiculed, but those doing the ridiculing never run the numbers.
There is a website with the title Loonwatch. Ostensibly it purposes to exist to reveal and warn the world of the dangers posed by those distrustful of Muslims. Check it out for yourself via this link. The title says it all, those people who broadcast any of the dangers posed by militant Islam are in themselves a danger. Really? Let’s explore that.
A couple of years ago I proposed a very dangerous idea. That idea got this blog in its earlier incarnation a top listing as a dangerous loon, a mantle I wore proudly by the way. The idea was this, in order to put a halt to the danger of another 911, the US would put out a warning to every Islamic government in the world that another attack of that type would be immediately answered by turning the city of Mecca into a nuclear wasteland. Nowhere in the article did I indicate that such an attack should be carried out, and in fact I was very careful to say that the threat alone would most likely be sufficient, due to the incredible importance that city has to the Muslim religion, but that wasn’t enough for the Islamic apologists at Loonwatch. Who cares about the historical record? The strategy did work however for Reagan during the cold war, or should we start rebuilding that Berlin wall?
It seems any criticism of the religion must be hate-based at worst and ill-informed at best. Really? I’m sure that is a great comfort to all those families who had relatives working in the World Trade Center towers, not to mention all those enjoying a pleasant day out until the suicide bomber showed up. I have yet to hear of an evangelical Christian, a Taoist, a Buddhist or even a Jew committing such an act. Of course, these could be incredibly rare acts of violence by what some have called the Religion of Peace, couldn’t they? This site link, contains a vast amount of damning evidence, far too much to be brushed aside except by those who agree with the militant agenda. However, just as there are villains and heroes in Judaism and Christianity and all of the other world faiths, so also are there in Islam. It is just that Islam contains such a large number of villains willing to murder innocents in the name of their prophet. The last estimate on that number is roughly 1.8 million. The size of American’s combined military active personnel is about 1,477,896 troops, or about half a million less than the jihadists.
Now Loonwatch would like to point out that the number of Islamic terrorists is only 6% of the Muslim population, but when that percentage is on the high side of two million, I doubt any reasonable person would consider that a good thing.
Today, when a member of an organization commits a crime, even if that person is holding a position of power in the Democrat Party, indictments are handed down and sentences given. We have all read the recent news stories to that effect. But is the killing of innocents a crime by Islamic standards? Well, that depends on how the term innocent is applied. There are quite a few condemnations issued against the killing of even unbelievers, if they qualify as innocent. The problem is the qualification, especially when fatwas are issued by assorted religious leaders who have their own agendas. Remember that 1.8 million number. Check out this link, it details the reasons why noncombatant women and children are considered valid targets in a holy war, and this is important, the jihadists consider themselves in a holy war against the non-Muslim world.
So, we have nearly 2 million religious fanatics willing to slaughter innocents in the name of their prophet and we have the remaining 94% perfectly happy to let them do it. Was that a misinterpretation of the deafening silence each time a terrorist attack is carried out? The innocents and their families are still waiting for an answer.
Usually my columns generate zero comments, but the one on Christianity being illegal in America brought two, both from the same individual and both ranting, yes, ranting against the children of Abraham, ie: the Jews.
Because this is such a divisive subject that is rarely, if ever, discussed in an adult fashion, I am going to go through the first comment, clause by clause and see if this can be done.
(1)”What you need to understand, and understand quickly is that all attacks on Christianity is from Jewish funded and run organizations”
All attacks? Jewish funded and run? Not hardly. It is true that many people with a Jewish heritage not just have distaste for what they view as their persecutors, after all Hitler claimed to be a Christian. Some have even gone far enough to embrace atheism, but to assign every attack against the worship of Jesus is narrow minded at best. Throughout history Christians have been persecuted by people and governments consisting of nearly every race imaginable. I highly doubt those African tribesmen were Jewish and not even the most virulent, undereducated skinhead would call what is going on in Libya against that country’s Christian minority Jewish funded and run.
(2) “.......ADL,SPLC, and in particular ACLU....these are always labeled "left wing", or "liberal"..............this is a ploy by the Jew run media....Your enemy mocks how dumb Americans are, they have manipulated the bible and ancient Christian beliefs through the Scofield scam,
Wrong again. Firstly, a search through FTC public records will show that a great number of the names associated with the boards of so-called Jewish organizations are not what would be considered typically Jewish, Smith, McDonald, Muhammad, and so on. As for the main stream media’s use of the words, left wing and liberal, the terms Left and Right were coined during the French Revolution, referring to the seating arrangement in the Estates General; those who sat on the left generally supported the radical changes of the revolution, including the creation of a republic and secularization. History will show you that the revolutionary government in France was as antagonistic against Jewry as it was against the royals.
As for Cyrus Scofield, I think that’s who is referenced here; he was in no way of Jewish descent, and wound up as a Southern Presbyterian minister, quite the opposite of a liberal. The assumed scam is this, from the Wikipedia page:
“Scofield's correspondence Bible study course was the basis for his Reference Bible, an annotated, and widely circulated, study Bible first published in 1909 by Oxford University Press. Scofield's notes teach dispensationalism, a theology that was in part conceived in the early nineteenth century by the Anglo-Irish clergyman John Nelson Darby, who like Scofield had also been trained as a lawyer. Dispensationalism emphasizes the distinctions between the New Testament Church and ancient Israel of the Old Testament. Scofield believed that between creation and the final judgment there were seven distinct eras of God's dealing with man and that these eras were a framework around which the message of the Bible could be explained. It was largely through the influence of Scofield's notes that dispensationalism and premillennialism became influential among fundamentalist Christians in the United States.”
Not really the stuff of midnight mass conspiracies.
(3) “they push for massive influx of third world immigrants through the ADL,
Umm, no. The beginning of our immigration problems actually has its genesis through the Democrat led administration of Woodrow Wilson who began the class warfare against profitable business. Wilson was in no way a fan of the Jew, but even he could not ignore the Henry Ford diatribe, “The International Jew, the World’s Foremost Problem”, a pamphlet proven to be completely and utterly erroneous from cover to cover.
(4) “they are ATTACKING the MORAL STANDARDS of our society through Hollywood which is run and dominated by Jews!!!
Wrong again, the list of the top ten Hollywood producers is a mixed bag if ever there was. Steven Spielberg, Oprah Winfrey, Jeffrey Lurie, Jeffrey Katzenberg, Jerry Bruckheimer, Robert (Bob) Johnson, James L. Brooks, Peter Guber, Lorne Michaels, and Quincy Jones. Now is anyone going to claim that Oprah Winfrey, Bob Johnson and Quincy Jones are Jewish? As for moral standards, that is an individual affair. Morality is as personal as worship and no organization, group or government can have any control over someone’s morality if it is not given. No one says you have to watch a single movie or read a single paper, or even turn on the TV if you don’t like what is there. It is all an individual choice. So climb off that horse, it won’t run.
(5) “They control our media news papers,magazines,tv, music industry....wake the hell up and see that you have been duped. Not only that they have been doing this through out history, this is nothing new.......They have infiltrated our educational system, taught you false history, they are attacking free speech rights under the guise of "hate crime"....”
Oh, where to even begin. A very brief search can turn up any number of publications, shows and especially songs masquerading as music with just about as vile an anti-Semitic message as was ever uttered during the Nazi reign of Hitler. If Jewry had such absolute control over those industries, would such be allowed to be published? Highly doubtful. As for the educational system, I spent a couple of years on the Nevada State Assembly Committee on Education. I taught as a substitute teacher during the legislative recess. The problems facing the American educational system are not Jew-instigated, they are bureaucratic and union instigated. Many of the ills of the education system can be laid at the feet of GW Bush and his no child left behind scam. The rest can be attributed to the socialistic unions and the same crowd that claims Israel has no right to exist. Check my other columns regarding that issue.
As for false history, no, in spite of everything the anti-Jew set claims, the Holocaust did happen. There is an overwhelming amount of empirical evidence proving this. It is not false history and even today there are still living eye-witnesses to what went on the in Nazi camps. What most people do not add to this is that it was not just Jews in those camps; many Christians were driven out and killed by the Nazi’s as well, as well as anyone else who did not fit Hitler’s ideal. The Story of Civilization, by husband and wife Will and Ariel Durant, for example is a good read. It’s only about 3000 pages long.
The hate crime issue would cover far too much ink here. Suffice it to say that the left, which hates the existence of Israel every bit as much as the skinheads, is the one driving that. Check out my column on the first Amendment, it covers all the bases.
This is the first part of a science fiction comedy novel I'm writing. Enjoy.
Gerald woke to a splitting headache. The inside of his mouth felt like it had been painted with the leavings of his tomcat’s litter box.
“Oh… God!” The words came out as a whimper. “ I should have never had that fifth Long Island.” He levered himself up to a sitting position, forcing his left eye open with his thumb and forefinger. The blinds were closed, allowing just a bit of the daylight into his flat, but right now even that was too bright for comfort. He struggled to stand up but after a couple of failed efforts he gave it up as a bad idea and collapsed back onto his bed.
"Maybe if I lay here long enough my body will do me a favor and die. If there's any justice Sergio's got it twice as bad, that wetback, beer guzzling....."
He didn't get any further in his recriminations of his best friend because the bedside phone chose that moment to imitate an indoor artillery barrage.
“What the hell do you want?”
“ Hey man, is that any way to talk to your drinking buddy?”
“My ‘drinking buddy’ is the reason I feel like this now.”
“You wound me Gere.You didn’t have to join me in my experiment.”
“Some experiment. ‘Hey man, let’s see if Long Island Ice Teas work as depth charges!’ I should come over there and puke all over your imitation zebra stripe bed spread.”
“Come on man. That was a gift from my mother.”
“Your mother needs to leave the 70’s where they belong, dead and buried. What’d you call at this ungodly hour for anyway?”
“Take a look outside man, it’s almost .”
“Like I said...”
“OK, OK. I just wanted to know if you’d help me move my new cooler into the restaurant.”
“I’d be glad to except I’m planning to commit suicide after I hang up.”
“You got it bad, huh?”
“No, I enjoy the feeling of my brains draining out my ears.”
“Hey I know the feeling man.” Gerald could have strangled Sergio for the following chuckle. “I’d feel just like you do now if I hadn’t prepared for it when I got home last night.”
“Whadayoumean?”
“What was that, man?”
“I said, ‘What - do - you - mean?”
“Oh, I just took a healthy dose of Sergio’s all American one-of-a-kind patented hangover cure before I went to bed.”
“Worked?”
“Listen to me man, do I sound like you? The walking dead?”
“ You listen to me, man, I want some of that stuff and I want it now! Or I WILL come over there and puke all over your bed.”
“Hey, hey, hey. Chill, Gere. It’s Geritaid.”
“Huh?”
“Man, you’re wide awake this morning. Geritaid. You know, like grandma’s vitamins?”
“You’ve got to be kidding.”
“Cross my heart, etc., man. Remember that big do last summer?”
“Uh.....oh yeah. When you tried to get that big redhead drunk, and lost.”
“ Everybody’s allowed one. Anyway, the next morning I woke up and wished I hadn’t.”
“I know what you mean.”
“Yeah. So, I started scrambling. I couldn’t find anything man. No aspirin, no Tylenol, no nothing. You should have seen the mess, man. I had stuff tossed everywhere in that bathroom. Finally I looked under the sink and saw this old bottle of Geritaid.”
“The one I gave you when you turned thirty!”
“Yeah, funny guy. Anyway I drank half the bottle, took a chance.”
“You could have OD’d.”
“Didn’t though. I don’t know, maybe the alcohol offset the vitamins or something but after about a half hour I felt better. Much Better!”
“Get me some Geritaid, Sergio.”
“What am I? A delivery boy?”
“Get me some Geritaid, Sergio, and you’ll live.”
“OK, OK. I was just kidding. Be over in a flash.”
Gerald hung up the phone, lurched over to the shower, turned on the water and let it bounce off his head until he started to feel slightly human. As the spray was starting to cool down the doorbell rang. He toweled dry on the way to the door, tripped over a couch pillow on the floor and banged his head on the book shelf next to the jam.” Christ! What next God? Lightening bolts, or locusts?” He was sitting with his back to the door but he couldn’t get any rest because someone kept banging on it. “Go ‘way! Let me die in peace.”
“Open up man. It’s me Sergio. I got the stuff.”
“Ok, OK.” Gerald turned around and reached up to unlatch the deadbolt then opened the door. Sergio’s grinning face was almost too much to bear. “One word Serge. That’s all it’ll take. One word and you’re a dead man. Gimme the stuff!”
“Sure man, sure.” Sergio handed him a brown quart bottle of Geritaid tonic. “ Couldn’t find the size I normally get, but…”
“Gerald, you in? Hello?” Standing in the doorway was a vision in blue jeans and white men’s shirt, Gerald’s girl friend, Amy. “What in the world is going on?” This said due to the sight of Gerald grunting in frustration over a child-proof top. Sergio backed off a couple of steps.
“ Uh-oh, here it comes.”
Gerald looked up at Amy,” Uh...”
“Uh, nothing! You’re hung over again. Aren’t you?” She rounded on Sergio before Gerald could formulate the proper lie. “...And you did it to him again, didn’t you?”
“Well, you see...we....”
“Typical!” She knelt down and took the bottle from Gerald’s nearly nerveless fingers. “What’s this stuff?” She looked closer at the label.” Geritaid?? Why are you wrestling with a bottle of Geritaid?” Sergio cleared his throat.
”Don’t tell me...a new cure-all for what ails you, hmmm?”
“Well, as a matter of fact...”
“Stuff it Sergio! I want to hear it from Mr. Wonderful here.”
Gerald lifted his head, which now felt like it was about the size of the Fuji blimp (Amy had been shouting, not whispering), and looked at her. God, she was beautiful, even now, when she was trying to kill him with volume. “He says it worked for him,” his voice came out like it was wrapped around sandpaper,”so I figured it couldn’t hurt to try.” He took the bottle from her and held it up to her cap first. “Help me?”
“Men!” Somehow Amy managed to consign all the sins of the universe to the sex in one syllable. “You’re so helpless. Here, let me open it for you.” She handed the open bottle back to Gerald. He grabbed it and downed the entire quart before Amy or Sergiocould take it from him.
“Gerald!” If anything, Amy’s normally large voice increased exponentially. Sergio’s ‘Gere’ was almost lost in the background.
Gerald grabbed his head and fell back to the floor. Amy screamed once more, falling to his side and lifting his head in her arms. “Gerald.” This time she said it softly with concern. Gerald opened his eyes after about five minutes.
“Amy. You still here?”
“Of course I’m here. How do you feel?”
“Uh....” He rubbed his scalp, flexed his arms and toes, massaged his torso, ”I feel better. I feel better. Sergio! I feel better man! I really feel better!” He jumped up and began bouncing around the room, banging off the walls and head-butting the furniture, all the time yelling at the top of his lungs,” I feel better! I feel better!”
Halfway down the stairwell Amy whispered to Sergio,” Gerald worries me Sergio. In the three years we’ve gone together he’s never acted this way at all. I, mean, besides romance, the only energy he’s ever shown is cheering for the Forty Niners.”
“It’s the vitamins Ame”, Sergio replied while taking the steps two at a time trying to keep up with the bounding Gerald. “I’m afraid he overdid the dose.”
“Afraid he overdid!!??” Amy gasped out. The pace Gerald was keeping was starting to tell on her reserves.” He took enough for the whole of St. Petersburg with some left over for Fort Lauderdale!”
“Yeah, I think we’re going to have to get him to the Doctor. That is, if we don’t have to go first. Come on Gere! Give us a break. Slow down!”
They caught up with Gerald in the foyer of his brownstone. To their mutual disgust he wasn’t even breathing hard. His left toe tapping impatiently Gerald waited for them to get within reach He hooked his arms under each of theirs and bounded out to the street.
“Gere. What the hell are you doing, man?” Sergio dug his heels into the pavement. “You trying to get us run over? Those cars don’t think of us as pedestrians, they think of us as targets.”
“Lighten up Sergio.” The grin on Gerald’s face was blinding. “I feel so good right now, I just want to share it with everybody.”
“You’re going to share yourself right into the emergency room, you idiot!” Amy pulled Gerald and Sergio back up onto the sidewalk. “I’m taking you to the doctor right now.”
“But , Amy...”
“Don’t ‘But Amy me”, Gerald Webster. You could very well die from this hangover remedy of yours and I’m not going to let you.”
Gerald grabbed Amy by the shoulders.” Look Amy. I’ll go to the emergency room, the doctor’s office, or to where ever. I don’t want you to be ticked off at me. Just let me help Sergio and then I’ll go with you.” Amy gave Gerald a long look. Little furrows appeared above her nose and then she sighed as if giving in to the nineteenth plea from a three year old
”OK, Gerald, we’ll go over to Sergio’s, you can prove your masculinity and then we go see the doctor.”Sergio’s restaurant occupied the third door on the left inside Opera alley. Across a quaint bricked drive into the parking area a group of transients shared a bottle of white port. One of them looked across the drive and watched Gerald skipping and singing his way into the restaurant. He winced, shook his head and handed the bottle to the stocky blonde to his right, "I want what that dude’s drinking."
Inside the restaurant, Sergio moved over to the wall and switched on the light. “The cooler’s coming in through the storeroom. I’ll call and see how long the truck’s going to be.” He lifted the receiver and dialed. After a short wait he said, "Yo! Mike! Serge, here. Yea, when's my cooler showing up? Uh huh...uh huh...ok, see you then. Caio baby." He turned to Gerald and Amy while hanging up the phone, " Cooler'll be here in about 15 minutes. Want to see where it's going to go?”
Gerald shrugged his shoulders, "Sure, Ames's letting me help you. Might as well check out the plan first, lead on, McSanchez."
Sergio looked at Amy. "You're right, after this, straight to the doc's office."
Sergio and Amy spent the next 15 minutes watching Gerald pace nervously back and forth whistling bad renditions of old Beatles tunes. Amy was nearly to the point of throwing a cleaning rag at him when Sergio's cooler arrived.
"Where d'ya want it put, Serge? " Mike was your ideal freight worker. He massed about 375 pounds in a package that filled the doorway to the restaurant. His slightly battered face held a pleasantly vacant smile that held nearly all its original teeth. He was always Sergio's first call when any heavy lifting needed to be done and heavy thinking would just get in the way.
"Oh...how about the middle of the floor right now, Mike. I haven't made up my mind yet."
"Uh...ok, Serge." Mike turned around, disappeared to the side for a moment and the reappeared with a battered mostly white upright refrigerator that he wheeled through the storeroom door and set down in the middle of the floor. "That OK, Serge?"
"Please don't tell me you paid money for that thing." Amy looked at the fridge as if it was the victim of a ghastly accident.
"Hey! I got a great deal! I paid..."
"You got ripped off!"
"...ten bucks.."
"Like I said!"
"People, people. Can't we just get along?" Gerald put both arms around Amy and Sergio while managing to place his body between a possible second Mexican -American War.
"Just what we need, a white Rodney King!"
"Amy, Amy. Settle down. It's Sergio's money. And if he wants to waste it..."
"Hey!"
"It's his business. But I don't think he wasted it."
"Sure. But right now you'd think Adolf Hitler could have been reformed the shape your in."
"You mean he couldn't?" Gerald ducked a respectable right cross and danced over to the appliance in question. "Just take a close look at this baby. It's beautiful!"
"HUH?" Amy and Sergio in chorus.
"Sure. Why with a little elbow grease we can make this cooler an appliance to be proud of. C'mon let's get started!" Gerald spit into his hands, causing Amy to retch, rolled up his shirtsleeves and opened the refrigerator's door. One minute later, when the last bit of moldy rust had fallen from its interior, he turned to face his friends and said, "see, What did I tell you?"
"Whew!" Sergio wiped his forehead with the back of his sleeve. "He's got to run down sooner or later"
"I know." Amy unwrapped a hot dog from the vendor outside the pawnshop next door. "He's got me worried Sergio. Did you see how he cleaned that junk cooler of yours? He looked like a silent film actor in fast forward. When he crashes he could wind up in emergency. Pass the mustard."
"OK people! Let's plug her in and turn her on. Heh Heh Heh."
"Gerald! You're a beast!"
"Want a bear hug? You'll see I ain't lion."
Sergio stepped to the rear of the refrigerator, picked up the cord and handed it to Gerald. "Ok, m'man. Since you did the cleaning, you do the honors." Gerald took the plug from Sergio, bowing at the waist with exaggerated formality.
"As you wish, my lord."
"Yup, he's gone." Amy leaned against a window sill doing double duty as a fly graveyard and munched her hotdog in resignation. Sergio leaned over to her while Gerald fiddled behind the refrigerator.
"You distract him and I'll drop a bag over his head. Whad'd'ya say?"
"And just how am I supposed to distract him in his condition? Do a strip tease?""Sounds good to me...oophhh!"
Amy sunk her elbow into Sergio's midriff while muttering something about finding a nice amazon tribe somewhere in the jungle. A loud 'KZZAPP' brought her back in time to see Gerald flying backwards across the restaurant in a low parabolic.
"Gerald!" All thoughts of the Brazilian jungle a distant memory, Amy raced over to where Gerald lay. She turned him over, cradling his head in her lap. He seemed impossibly still. She bent her head to his chest, nearly sobbing in relief when she heard his heartbeat.
Sergio knelt down with a glass of water in his hand."Hey buddy! C'mon man! Speak to me! C'mon, Gere, open those baby blues....Oh, man. I should've checked out that piece of junk. I should've spent the money at a real store. I should've...”
"You should shut up."
"Gere! Gerald!!" Sergio and Amy nearly smothered Gerald in a joint embrace.
"Hey! Come on. What's going on here? What are you guys doing in my bedroom?"
"Huh?" Another chorus.
"....and the next thing I know is I'm lying there in Sergio's restaurant and he and Amy are treating me like I was some sort of accident victim."
"You are a victim, of two accidents.”Amy crossed her arms and muttered, “One of 'em's named Sergio."`
"I heard that, man!"
"Can you hear this?"
"Hey man, you gonna let your girl do that to me?"
"I'll do more than tha..."
"If you two don't settle down you'll have to leave the room...That's better." The emergency room doctor unhooked his Stethoscope, dropped it into the pocket of his coat, where it rattled against a half dozen other bits and pieces of medical paraphernalia. Some of them looked suspiciously like rather large needles, Gerald thought.
The doctor paced back and forth, in front of Gerald, while rubbing at the advanced five o'clock shadow on his chin. "So, Mr. Webster, what you are telling me, is that you got stinking drunk last night, woke up with a well deserved hangover, tried to poison yourself with an overdose of vitamins, and then topped off your little spree by plugging in an obviously dangerous appliance, thereby receiving a severe electric shock.""Gee, if you're going to put it in that light..."
"The only thing I can't figure out is why you're not dead. In fact," he looked at Gerald's chart for a few seconds," you seem to be almost obscenely healthy."
"Huh?" Sergio and Amy said it together.
"Quite frankly, Mr. Webster, if you didn't have that little electrical burn on your index finger, I'd be inclined to think this was all some sort of fraternity stunt. As it is, and after listening to you and your friends...I do believe you would actually pull something this stupid."
"Now wait a minute! I don't have to..."
"What I'm going to do," the doctor overrode Gerald's protests," is give you an injection to counteract your overdose, just in case. Drop your pants."
"Huh?"
"Eloquent, aren't we." A rather evil grin spread across the doctor's face. "This might hurt a bit."
"Wait, wait, uh...what about my arm?"
"What about your arm?"
"Why can't you give me the shot there?"
The doctor's grin grew broader. "You got into your fix the old fashioned way; we take care of it the old fashioned way. Now, like I said...drop 'em!"
Gerald gulped and complied, trying to ignore Sergio's snide chuckles and Amy's sotto voice wolf whistle. He felt the needle just begin to prick his right buttock, as a sharp zap! Sounded and the doctor suddenly cursed and dropped the syringe.
"What happened Doc?" Gerald quickly pulled up his pants and looked around. The doctor stood there, gripping his right hand with his left, staring at the syringe lying on the exam room floor. The top half was melted as if it had been stuck into the flame of a cutting torch. Amy and Sergio were busy mimicking a pair of gold fish out of water. Amy had her eyes fastened on his rear.
"Will somebody tell me what is going on?"
"You tell me, man. You're the one with the electric ass."
"Huh?"
"What's happened to you Gerald?" Amy's breath came out in a half-sob, as she reached out to take his arm.
"What the hell are you two talking about?"
Sergio took a deep breath." Look Gere. You know me. I kid around a lot, but whenever the chips have been down, I never lied to you, and I'm not lying now when I tell you that you are a walking science fiction story here. Let me finish. Doc here, was starting to stick you, and well, you...uh… you see, it...”
"You sparked!" Amy pointed at his rear. "You just up and sparked like lightning, Zap!"
"No way!"
"She's not kidding, Gerald." Gerald knew something had to be serious. Sergio never used his real name this often.
Sergio bent and picked up the syringe. "Check it out man, your ass melted this sucker."
"Extraordinary!" The doctor straightened up, and, rubbing his hands together, began a running monologue, while pacing back and forth in the exam room. "Unbelievable, but think of the articles. No, no one would ever believe it. But what if they do? No, never in a thousand life times. Geraldo?Montel? Maybe, just maybe..."
He spun around and thrust a forefinger at Gerald's face," You, young man, have some explaining to do!"
"Explain what!?" Gerald batted the finger away like an annoying insect." How the hell do I explain something like this?" He grabbed the melted syringe out of Sergio's hand and waved it under the doctors nose. " Look Doc, this isn't some comic book and I'm no super hero. You're the one with the hundred-thousand dollar education. You tell me what's going on."
Amy tightened her hold on Gerald's arm and looked at the doctor. With all of his faults Gerald was still hers and she didn't want to lose him. If he was in any danger she wanted to know.
Sergio moved to Gerald's other side. All the joking was forgotten now. Something weird was going on and besides he owed him. Gere had been there for him when it got down to the short and curlies. He damn sure wasn't going to let him down now.
The three of them faced the doctor waiting for an answer. He looked at them and sighed. All he saw was three kids caught in an unbelievable situation looking for some explanation of what was happening to them. Sometimes you got lucky and the patient didn't blame you for what happened to them. It appeared that this was one of those times. He opened his mouth to tell Gerald.
Sergio slapped his hand to his forehead, interrupting the doctor's answer. "Dummy! She said it! That's got to be the answer." He started to laugh, " This is a comic book, Gere. And, you're the super hero."
"What did I say? Oh God!" Amy felt everyone's eyes on her. It was a distinctly uncomfortable feeling. Like being center stage and forgetting your opening line.
"You said it sister. You said it."
"Said what?! "Amy's yell coming from a vicinity of about 1mm from Sergio's ear blew him back against the exam room's door.
"...Zap..."Sergio managed to squeak it out with his bellybutton back against his spine.
